its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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