Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your penis caused this!
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