I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
