It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
