I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
