walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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