FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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