i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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