i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
