i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
