Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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