3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
