A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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