My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
