I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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