I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
