How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
