toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I did not marry a roomba.
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