I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
did i just pee glitter
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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