i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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