I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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