Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
