just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
