I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
