apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
