so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
