Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
