So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
