Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
