so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
