I haven't been this sober since birth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
