Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
