could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
