You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
