Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
