i was rollin on her like bob the builder
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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