I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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