I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
