we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
