dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
