legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
