Pants 0. Shit 1.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
