Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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