But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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