Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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