i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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