I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
