dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
