I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
