You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
