I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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