Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
