I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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