u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
