Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
